MY JOURNEY TO THE CENTRE OF THE HEART
I am lost. How did I get here? I don’t recognise anything. I can see trees, but where am I? Nothing looks right. I know this is a forest, but which way am I meant to go?
I start walking into the forest as the outer landscape, these barren fields don’t look attractive at all. At least there’s some green in the forest.
There is no obvious path so I make my way through the trees, walking on leaves. I move deeper into the forest but still have no idea which direction I’m meant to take. Then, my heart begins to relax a bit; something about this feels right. I keep walking with a little more determination drawn to, what I assume is, the centre of the forest. It’s not too bad here. Actually, quite nice. Birds sing and the sun is shining through the trees.
Suddenly, I reach a massive metal wall, too high to climb over, solidly closed, no door in it. I start walking around the wall but any way forward is blocked. Damn! I start banging the wall till it hurts my hand. The wall is rusty and cold and I don’t have any tools to cut an opening. I start feeling very upset, disappointed and helpless. Why this? Why now? Why here? I feel miserable and sorry for myself. Doom and gloom set in.
I try to will this away, to overcome the obstacle. I’m using all my mental and physical force. But the wall doesn’t care, it doesn’t move or change at all. Eventually, I’m so exhausted I sit down.
A voice gently whispers through the trees. ‘Acceptance is the key. Acceptance is the key. Acceptance is the key.’ Am I meant to accept the wall and do nothing? Collapse, resign and give up moving forward?
Walking back is not tempting at all, I don’t even know what to walk back to.
I sit down and think about acceptance. If I were to accept this wall, how would I do that? I’m curious, walk along it, touch its surface. I’m interested in why this wall is here. Does it have a story to tell? As I touch the wall, I get waves of feelings. Sadness arises, a memory from a past relationship that failed and I felt rejected. Tears roll down my face.
The temperature under my hand gets warmer. Do I have contact? Are we communicating? It gets warmer still. It doesn’t even feel metallic anymore but soft, even rubbery. What is the wall protecting? What’s on the other side? Is the wall protecting me from getting hurt?
Eventually the wall changes, a door appears and opens, and I am in the next layer, a very soft and vulnerable one. A whole different landscape presents itself, and it’s full of soft and pastel colours.
As I keep going deeper, I land in the secret garden of my heart. A deep sense of love floods me and my cheeks are again wet with tears. I remember something that feels so real and intimate. I’m enveloped by a deep embrace and it’s caressing my sore heart, taking me in, like a most loving mother holding her baby, protective and caring. I have never felt more loved, seen or understood.
Why did I ever leave this place?
Excerpt from my book “Becoming Whole – The Art of Inner Transformation”, Chapter 4.1 – Meeting your heart
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